Behind The Bell – Dustin Diamond

When I was in college, there was a daily 2 hour block of Saved By The Bell, courtesy of superstations WGN and TBS.  When I first heard of this behind-the-scenes tell-all from the former Screech, I was of course interested.  Just not interested enough to shell out retail prices for the hard cover version of his autobiography.  For 99 cents, though, I was willing to wade into the supposed sordid details in my first foray into Ebooks.

Dustin Diamond is sure of one thing: he was a normal kid growing up in an abnormal world.  Nearly everyone else, including cast mates, other child actors, network executives, were colossal douchebags out to harsh his good time.  Mark-Paul Gosselaar was the golden child who horded his status over everyone and could do no wrong.  Mario Lopez was a man whore.  Tiffani Amber Thiessen was a slut who was passed back and forth between Zack and Slater.  Elizabeth Berkley got TAT’s sloppy seconds.  Lark Voorhies got even sloppier thirds.  Dustin Diamond, meanwhile, was the well meaning kid who just wanted to make friends but ended up the outcast for not buying into Mark-Paul’s golden status.  Somehow, it all reads a little false.

What can easily be explained by age difference (Diamond was 3 years younger than the rest of the cast), Dustin ascribes to malice.  He takes little-to-no responsibility for his own actions and is more than willing to blame others for every real or imagined slight.  He tells tales of his extensive womanizing, using extras and Disneyland as his personal whorehouses.  There is strangely no mention of the sex tape he released.

At the end of the day, I’m sure some of Diamond’s tales, both personal and about his SBTB cast mates, are true.  One would have to be incredibly naive to think a crew of teenagers would not be involved in some sexual hijinks.  But Diamond goes beyond just telling the tales, instead painting everyone except himself in the worst possible light.  It’s little surprise that Diamond has had little success after Saved By The Bell.  I suppose that is someone else’s fault as well.